something to think about ...

Sorry for getting all political, I just thought it was an interesting letter written by someone who was there ... This was originally posted here

The people of America have been done a great disservice under their current administration. At least they still have a couple of things left - a voice and a vote. This report from a US soldier says it all.

"After Pat’s Birthday"

Posted on Oct 19, 2006

By Kevin Tillman

Editor’s note: Kevin Tillman joined the Army with his brother Pat in 2002, and they served together in Iraq and Afghanistan. Pat was killed in Afghanistan on April 22, 2004. Kevin, who was discharged in 2005, has written a powerful, must-read document.

It is Pat’s birthday on November 6, and elections are the day after. It gets me thinking about a conversation I had with Pat before we joined the military. He spoke about the risks with signing the papers. How once we committed, we were at the mercy of the American leadership and the American people. How we could be thrown in a direction not of our volition. How fighting as a soldier would leave us without a voice… until we got out.

Much has happened since we handed over our voice:

Somehow we were sent to invade a nation because it was a direct threat to the American people, or to the world, or harbored terrorists, or was involved in the September 11 attacks, or received weapons-grade uranium from Niger, or had mobile weapons labs, or WMD, or had a need to be liberated, or we needed to establish a democracy, or stop an insurgency, or stop a civil war we created that can’t be called a civil war even though it is. Something like that.

Somehow America has become a country that projects everything that it is not and condemns everything that it is.

Somehow our elected leaders were subverting international law and humanity by setting up secret prisons around the world, secretly kidnapping people, secretly holding them indefinitely, secretly not charging them with anything, secretly torturing them. Somehow that overt policy of torture became the fault of a few “bad apples” in the military.

Somehow back at home, support for the soldiers meant having a five-year-old kindergartener scribble a picture with crayons and send it overseas, or slapping stickers on cars, or lobbying Congress for an extra pad in a helmet. It’s interesting that a soldier on his third or fourth tour should care about a drawing from a five-year-old; or a faded sticker on a car as his friends die around him; or an extra pad in a helmet, as if it will protect him when an IED throws his vehicle 50 feet into the air as his body comes apart and his skin melts to the seat.

Somehow the more soldiers that die, the more legitimate the illegal invasion becomes.

Somehow American leadership, whose only credit is lying to its people and illegally invading a nation, has been allowed to steal the courage, virtue and honor of its soldiers on the ground.

Somehow those afraid to fight an illegal invasion decades ago are allowed to send soldiers to die for an illegal invasion they started.

Somehow faking character, virtue and strength is tolerated.

Somehow profiting from tragedy and horror is tolerated.

Somehow the death of tens, if not hundreds, of thousands of people is tolerated.

Somehow subversion of the Bill of Rights and The Constitution is tolerated.

Somehow suspension of Habeas Corpus is supposed to keep this country safe.

Somehow torture is tolerated.

Somehow lying is tolerated.

Somehow reason is being discarded for faith, dogma, and nonsense.

Somehow American leadership managed to create a more dangerous world.

Somehow a narrative is more important than reality.

Somehow America has become a country that projects everything that it is not and condemns everything that it is.

Somehow the most reasonable, trusted and respected country in the world has become one of the most irrational, belligerent, feared, and distrusted countries in the world.

Somehow being politically informed, diligent, and skeptical has been replaced by apathy through active ignorance.

Somehow the same incompetent, narcissistic, virtueless, vacuous, malicious criminals are still in charge of this country.

Somehow this is tolerated.

Somehow nobody is accountable for this.

In a democracy, the policy of the leaders is the policy of the people. So don’t be shocked when our grandkids bury much of this generation as traitors to the nation, to the world and to humanity. Most likely, they will come to know that “somehow” was nurtured by fear, insecurity and indifference, leaving the country vulnerable to unchecked, unchallenged parasites.

Luckily this country is still a democracy. People still have a voice. People still can take action. It can start after Pat’s birthday.

Brother and Friend of Pat Tillman,

Kevin Tillman

HAHA ...

Being ME

For better or for worse, I am who I am. I think what I think, I do what I do, and I say what I say ...

Sometimes people like to think that you should change accordingly as each new situation arises ... but that's not true. You ADAPT, but you should not CHANGE. You do that, and you're not true to yourself ... you're not true to who you are, and the only person you hurt is yourself. You learn from your mistakes, you learn from your experiences, you learn from the past ... so why throw all of that out the window? ... Doesn't make sense.

Takes a while to figure that out, but when you actually figure it out ... why should you ignore it? Why should you disreagrd what took you all that time to learn ... for ... for what? For nothing ... screw that ...

I believe if you stay true to who you are ... things work out the way they should. Maybe it doesn't always work out the way you want it to ... but in the end, once all the dust settles, it works out the way it SHOULD HAVE. Tough to realize, but ... it's the way things work, and it lets you live with no regrets ...

Never ever regret anything in life ... if you regret something ... it's only because you didn't do what you should have done ...

A life without regrets is one worth living ... not hard to remember, but hard to live by.

Over-Analyze

an..a..lyze.. [an-l-ahyz] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
..verb (used with object), -lyzed, -lyz..ing.
1. to separate (a material or abstract entity) into constituent parts or elements; determine the elements or essential features of (opposed to synthesize): to analyze an argument.
2. to examine critically, so as to bring out the essential elements or give the essence of: to analyze a poem.
3. to examine carefully and in detail so as to identify causes, key factors, possible results, etc.
4. to subject to mathematical, chemical, grammatical, etc., analysis.

That's the definition of analyze .. so I'm assuming its safe to conclude that over-analyzing would be overdoing whatever all that is ..

The reason I bring it up is because "analyzing" seems to be one of the things I'm really good at. Unfortunately .. "over-analyzing" is the trap that I constantly lead myself into.

Need to stop thinking so damn much .. that's all. Just wanted to blurt that out .. makes me feel like the first four letters of that word ...

It's hard to be patient ...

Kind of funny that patience would be my next entry ... I mean especially after understanding.

Well patience seems to be something I'm short on at the moment. Maybe it has something to do with being drunk RIGHT NOW ... but I like to think alcohol is more or less a "truth serum". I find most people say the things that are weighing heaviest on their minds when they are drunk ... so that's what I'm doing.

Patience ... everyone seems to believe that I should have that ... like I actually have loads of it. Truth is I don't, or at least it feels as though I've used up all of it. It wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't so damn confused, but it doesn't look like the gods have that in the cards for me. Oh well what can you do?

So patience ... what does it really mean, and how does one act when they are patient? Really? Seriously? Everyone has their own definitions of the word, but no one seems to be able to give me a clear and definite definition of the word ... what does that tell you?

Be patient until then ...

Doesn't that drive you crazy?

Understanding

Just a random thought ... but it was something that came to me in my horoscope of all places ... yeah I know "Since when has a horoscope been right?", but still ... what it said held a lot of truth.

It said "Understand your past to fully live in the present." Now I don't know about you, but that seems to have a lot of truth to it.

You learn so much from your past, and I definitely would not be here if it wasn't for it ... I've learnt a lot ... and however painful some of it may have been, I wouldn't trade a second of it for anything.

With all the good times, there definitely comes some bad, and if you aren't willing to deal with that, then you're lost from the beginning. I realize I am ready for that ...and that's what makes me stronger. Just knowing that, accepting it, and being able to handle ... it ... makes me a better person.

That's why I'm glad for good friends, great conversations, and even better times. It all comes down to a matter of understanding that life dishes out a lot of strikes ... but it's how you deal with it that defines who you are ...

with my own two hands ...

These are the lyrics to "With My Own Two Hands" originally by Ben Harper, but I like the version by Jack Johnson and Ben Harper together.

I can change the world
With my own two hands
Make it a better place
With my own two hands
Make it a kinder place
With my own two hands
With my own
With my own two hands

I can make peace on earth
With my own two hands
I can clean up the earth
With my own two hands
I can reach out to you
With my own two hands
With my own
With my own two hands

With my own
With my own two hands

I'm going to make it a brighter place
With my own two hands
I'm going to make it a safer place
With my own two hands
I'm going to help the human race
With my own two hands
With my own
With my own two hands

With my own
With my own two hands

I can hold you
In my own two hands
And I can comfort you
With my own two hands
But you've got to use
Use your own two hands
Use your own
Use your own two hands

Use your own
Use your own two hands

With our own
Our own two hands

With our own
Our own two hands

With my own
With my own two hands

Lacking Creativity

It's been awhile since I've taken the time to do anything creative ... not very healthy. I think it's good to sometimes put down everything else and just do some thing for yourself ... something interesting, something that uses your mind, exerts energy - physically or mentally. Kind of like an enema for your soul.

Anyways ... where was I? Oh yeah enemas ... no that's not it. Soul cleansing. Things that I've found to work for that are running, walking, being alone with a good book, great music, drawing, writing ... just using my mind more than anything else. I'm glad that as time passes you learn to solve your problems faster before they drown you. Or at least you can be more realistic about things and understand them without needing to always have the solution.

livin' life without certainty isn't always bad, and it definitely keeps you from getting bored, although having a few truths always helps. That's where I'm at ... a few truths, a few maybes, and some uncertainty ... It's that "not knowing" that will usually break you ... which is why I've just had to accept that you control the things that you can, and trust that everything else will reveal itself eventually.

Spoken like someone without any worries? You don't even know ...

Summer Heat

Sweating ... it feels as though that has become my full time occupation. It's almost as if I and the chair my ass is planted in are becoming one. The heat is melting my skin, my clothes, and slowly fusing everything together. The only thing that is currently stopping them is the sickening layer of sweat that seems to have formed across every inch of my body.

But how can you complain? In the winter it's so cold that you feel like one small mistake and you're snapping half your ass off like an icicle ... and then in the summers it's just the opposite. Why isn't there a happy median? Or maybe we just complain to much, when what we should really be doing is enjoying the golden sun, and the warm weather. I always say ... in the winter there isn't much you can do about the cold, but in the summer at least you can swim, wear less ... or drink fruity drinks with a little umbrella in it and lots of booze.

Temple of the Dog

A dog's wet dream? A canine's pleasure toy?

Dogs from all around the world will stare at this photo and drool, in the same way that young prepubescent teen age boys stare at the lingerie section of the Sear's catalog and drool ...