Wonder

I wonder ... I'm wondering ...

It's all just thoughts, with no real singular idea(s)/direction ... Nothing clear or concise ...

... it's all just wonders.

In the meantime here's another song ...

Society

It's a mystery to me
we have a greed
with which we have agreed

You think you have to want
more than you need
until you have it all you won't be free

society, you're a crazy breed
I hope you're not lonely without me

When you want more than you have
you think you need
and when you think more than you want
your thoughts begin to bleed
I think I need to find a bigger place
'cos when you have more than you think
you need more space

society, you're a crazy breed
I hope you're not lonely without me
society, crazy and deep
I hope you're not lonely without me

there's those thinking more or less less is more
but if less is more how you're keeping score?
Means for every point you make
your level drops
kinda like its starting from the top
you can't do that...

society, you're a crazy breed
I hope you're not lonely without me
society, crazy and deep
I hope you're not lonely without me

society, have mercy on me
I hope you're not angry if I disagree
society, crazy and deep
I hope you're not lonely without me

-Eddie Vedder

HAHAHAHAHA ...

Road to Peace

This is a really great song by Tom Waits ... kind of a bluesy, folksy song but really good, and what makes it great are the lyrics.

Sorry for getting all serious and political ... but it tells a simple story of Israel vs. Palestine ...

"Road to Peace"

Young Abdel Mahdi (Shahmay) was only 18 years old,
He was the youngest of nine children, never spent a night away from home.
And his mother held his photograph, opening the New York Times
To see the killing has intensified along the road to peace

There was a tall, thin boy with a whispy moustache disguised as an orthodox Jew
On a crowded bus in Jerusalem, some had survived World War Two
And the thunderous explosion blew out windows 200 yards away
With more retribution and seventeen dead along the road to peace

Now at King George Ave and Jaffa Road passengers boarded bus 14a
In the aisle next to the driver Abdel Mahdi (Shahmay)
And the last thing that he said on earth is "God is great and God is good"
And he blew them all to kingdom come upon the road to peace

Now in response to this another kiss of death was visited upon
Yasser Taha, Israel says is an Hamas senior militant
And Israel sent four choppers in, flames engulfed, tears wide open
And it killed his wife and his three year old child leaving only blackened skeletons

It's found his toddlers bottle and a pair of small shoes and they waved them in front of the cameras
But Israel says they did not know that his wife and child were in the car
There are roadblocks everywhere and only suffering on TV
Neither side will ever give up their smallest right along the road to peace

Israel launched it's latest campaign against Hamas on Tuesday
Two days later Hamas shot back and killed five Israeli soldiers
So thousands dead and wounded on both sides most of them middle eastern civilians
They fill the children full of hate to fight an old man's war and die upon the road to peace

"And this is our land we will fight with all our force" say the Palastinians and the Jews
Each side will cut off the hand of anyone who tries to stop the resistance
If the right eye offends thee then you must pluck it out
And Mahmoud Abbas said Sharon had been lost out along the road to peace

Once Kissinger said "we have no friends, America only has interests"
Now our president wants to be seen as a hero and he's hungry for re-election
But Bush is reluctant to risk his future in the fear of his political failures
So he plays chess at his desk and poses for the press 10,000 miles from the road to peace

In the video that they found at the home of Abdel Mahdi (Shahmay)
He held a Kalashnikov rifle and he spoke with a voice like a boy
He was an excellent student, he studied so hard, it was as if he had a future
He told his mother that he had a test that day out along the road to peace

The fundamentalist killing on both sides is standing in the path of peace
But tell me why are we arming the Israeli army with guns and tanks and bullets?
And if God is great and God is good why can't he change the hearts of men?
Well maybe God himself is lost and needs help
Maybe God himself he needs all of our help
Maybe God himself is lost and needs help
He's out upon the road to peace

Well maybe God himself is lost and needs help
Maybe God himself he needs all of our help
And he's lost upon the road to peace
And he's lost upon the road to peace
Out upon the road to peace.

- Tom Waits

Something Reminded Me

Over the past few months things have happened that just made me think about ... everything.

I've watched family and friends ... join their lives forever ... meet ... greet ... stop ... hurt ... back and forth.

Everywhere people were entering or exiting ... some of it happy and some of it hard.

So what's the point? I don't know somewhere along the way I was reminded of something someone once read to me, and for the longest time I couldn't remember.

Then suddenly for whatever reason (although I don't believe in chance) ... I just remembered ... all of it ... It's a poem by Leonard Cohen and it reminds me of something from long ago that still makes me smile ... life is funny ...

As the mist leaves no scar
On the dark green hill
So my body leaves no scar
On you and never will
Through windows in the dark
The children come, the children go
Like arrows with no targets
Like shackles made of snow

True love leaves no traces
If you and I are one
It's lost in our embraces
Like stars against the sun

As a falling leaf may rest
A moment on the air
So your head upon my breast
So my hand upon your hair

And many nights endure
Without a moon or star
So we will endure
When one is gone and far

True love leaves no traces
If you and I are one
It's lost in our embraces
Like stars against the sun

- Leonard Cohen

rambling on

So ... it's been over a month since the last time I entered anything ... and in all honesty there's not much I care to write.

I guess since I have some spare time until the minutes tick by to signal the end of the day, I decided now would be a good time for adding an entry ... or entering an ad?

Much has happened in the span of a month ... do you remember when you were a little kid and a month felt like a year as you anxiously waited for something in the not so distant future ... and now that year feels like a week ... in some cases a day as everything zips by at such a hurried pace.

All at once things you look forward to come and go, and in the meantime the minutes in between become the stage for all sorts of interesting events, occassions, etc. until before you know it ... the month is over. The things that were supposed to be done are done. The events that were supposed to be happenings are now just memories ... fond ones, but memories none the less ...

As I sit here reliving the past month in my mind ... I'm already mentally calculating, examining and planning the next series of events, happenings, etc.

... and so the race comes around to the end, which is the start ... and we all just keep rambling on.

"have you ever ... have you ever ... had some ..."

Filling the Void

It's late, and it's been awhile ... actually it's been a long time. I guess I've just been busy running around ...

So what's the purpose of this one ... I feel as though each and every post has a purpose, and this case is no different.

I guess I'm somewhere in between decisions. So much is going on it's hard to take the time to sit and think through everything. To adjust, to calculate, and to evaluate everything that is going on. In some instances it's as though I'm simply killing time until the next great event ... in other cases it's almost as if there are too many events to keep track of. I guess you just have to take it all in at once and sort it out as it becomes clearer.

What am I talking about? Well there's too much to mention in a few simple paragraphs, but it's definitely fun, it's definitely exciting, and ... it's definitely troublesome. So why write about it? ... I think it's just so that I remeber ... a little reminder to me. Something to say "Do you remember when?"

Just killing time until the next great adventure ...

E-Z Breezy

I waited all year for summer, and now it's here ... it's hot, it's sticky, people are sweating for no other reason than just being alive ... and it's perfect.

BBQs, places to go, people to see, and it seems as though everyone is in the mood for a party. It's as if the simple fact of "summer" being here has alleviated people of so many burdens. The stress of work ... the stresses of life, love, family ... everything. It all melts away under the punishing heat of the sun.

Unfortunately ... it's already close to the end of JUNE!! I feel as if it's been a whirlwind of activity, with scarcely any time for me to stick my head above the water to just stop ... and breath ... and enjoy the moment of being in the season. That's not to say that the activity hasn't been rewarding and pleasurable ... it is to say that now that it's here, I don't want it to zip on by only to wake up one day and realize we're in fall.

I need to go outside and breath ... even if its just for one ... moment.

In need ... indeed

As I sit here watching summer pass outside my window, I can't help but feel so ... BLAH ... unmotivated, distracted, antsy ...

I need some serious excitement, I need to be on the road, going somewhere - DESPERATELY! I've always told myself that I would never allow my life to feel like a routine, but unfortunately that's exactly what it feels like. I find each week blends into the next. There is no end or beginning, it's just one complete circle and I just go around and around ... and before I know it, fall will be here, leaves will be changing and I'll be scratching my head wondering where the time went.

Now as I sit here inching closer and closer to 4 years in the same city, I am slowly being reminded of how much I enjoy the challenge of starting a new life. I always wondered if I liked moving every 3 years out of necessity, or if it was the excitement and thrill of the adventure. Some people would think it's silly ... but there is something about starting over in completely new surroundings that I find so invigorating.

Maybe I just need a vacation ... no ... I KNOW I need a vacation.

Sleeping Lessons

I think these lyrics evoke more feeling when you can actually hear the music that accompanies it ... regardless I still find them interesting and meaningful ...

Go without,
'Til the need seeps in
You low animal,
Collect your novel petals for the stem,

And glow,
Glow,
Melt and flow,
Eviscerate your fragile frame,
And spill it out in the ragged floor,
A thousand different versions of yourself,

And if the old guard still offend,
They got nothing left on which you depend,
So enlist every ounce
Of your bright blood,
And off with their heads,

Jump from the book
You're not obliged to swallow anything you despise
See, those unrepenting buzzards want your life,
And they got no right--
As sure as you have eyes,
They got no right,

Just put yourself in my new shoes,
And see that I do what I do,
Because the old guard still offend,
(Their pudgy hearts and slimy hands)
They got nothing left on which we depend.
So enlist every ounce
Of your bright blood,
And off with their heads.

Jump from the book,
You're not obliged to swallow anything you despise
That you despise.

- The Shins

On Your Porch

Every now and then I like to post lyrics to songs that I really like for whatever reason ... maybe they reflect my mood, or they say something that I find poetic, inspiring, interesting, or it reminds me of a time and place ... and sometimes it encompasses all of that.

I won't say what this one means to me, because I think you need to add your own importance to a song.

i was on your porch
the smoke sank into my skin
so i came inside to be with you
and we talked all night,
about everything we could imagine
cause come the morning i'll be gone
and as our eyes start to close,
i turn to you and i let you know,
that i love you

well my dad was sick
and my mom she cared for him
her love it nursed him back to life
and me i ran,
i couldnt even look at him,
for fear i'd have to say goodbye
and as i start to leave he grabs me by the shoulder and he tells me,

whats left to lose,
you've done enough
and if you fail well then you fail,
but not to us
cause these last three years,
i know they've been hard
but now it's time to get out of the desert and into the sun
even if it's alone

so now here i sit,
in a hotel off of sunset
my thoughts bounce off of sam's guitar
and thats the way it's been,
ever since we were kids but now,
now we've got something to prove

and i,
i can see their eyes
but tell me something,
can they see mine?

cause whats left to lose,
i've done enough
and if i fail, well then i fail, but i gave it a shot
and these last three years,
i know they've been hard
but now its time to get out of the desert and into the sun
even if it's alone

even if it's alone

i was on your porch last night,
the smoke it sank into my skin

- The Format