You little POS!!!!

... and you're back ... back to ruin my week. My life ... ughhh

Well yet again it was my own stupidity ... the only thing that worries me this time is that there wasn't mass quantities of booze (don't get me wrong you probably thought I was inviting you over for a few) .. but there were a few incredibly rich dinners. Now if you're going to start making appearances over something I ate, well then we have a definite problem.

First I'm going to drown you in chicken soup and salad ... then we'll sort out this sleeping business, because unfortunately you seem to especially enjoy partying all night. Makes it incredibly tough to sleep longer than an hour and a half before I have to turn. Did I mention the chicken soup? It's going to be hot and scalding and you my friend will not enjoy it one bit.

Mainly though ... I beg that you get the f*ck out ... actually I demand that you leave!!!

All in all you're definitely not as bad as the previous times ... I just really don't enjoy you taking up residence on Pancreas Lane ... it's not you it's me ... it's us, we definitely don't have a very good relationship. So I think it would be best if you just packed up your sh*t and left.

Uncontrollable

There's something I've known about myself for quite some time but only recently has it become more and more noticeable ... I like to be in control of my environment and of myself ... but for whatever reason lately I haven't been.

I don't know why but this person makes me ... uncontrollable, or at least I don't feel like I have any control, and quite honestly it scares me. I feel like I'm impulsive, or at least my normal thought processes aren't clicking. Anyone who knows me knows how long I can think about something until I've analyzed it from every which way ... but ... that's not happening. Instead I fly by the seat of my pants, doing things impulsively and only considering or thinking things through after the fact.

It's troubling ... I'm a little scared by it all ... hmmmm, maybe this would be a good time to sit and ponder ... any suggestions?

Finally something nice ...

With all the stories about retarded athletes acting like immature and idiotic assholes, it's nice that someone in the media finally wrote something about an athlete who is doing something worthwhile.

Click here for the story.

Sitting on Top of The World

For whatever reason, I've been thinking of this song ... I don't know why ... not unhappy in any way, maybe it just reminds me of something.

Remember the times we used to play
We'd sing and we'd dance all damn day
But all I do is sing the blues
But have I forsaken you by telling you
What you must do
And all I do is sing the blues
But I would never lie, let things go by
Leave you in a road to die
I would never ever say good bye

Never gonna say good bye
Never gonna say good bye

Remember the times that we
Used to share
You got to remember the times
That we used to share
That we used to share

But the only way for you to survive
Is to open your heart it will guide
You wanna stay in this world of music and life
You got to turn around
And spread a little love and get high

- Lenny Kravitz

A Study in Contrast

He sits there in the dewey grass at the edge of his world, as a new day rises.

Everything has been brought together to define this one moment. The knowledge from the past, with the objectivity of the present, mingle with the uncertainty of the future. He takes the time to survey all that is laid before him, and stiffly straightens his arms for that one last push skyward. As his feet feel the slick dampness of the grass and dirt, it is altogether familiar and strange. A study in contrast ...

While uncertain of where it may lead, he follows the sounds of his world as he takes each step. While knowing and not truly knowing where it will go, he places one foot in front of the other and moves closer to his edge. Peering over he sees the end and the beginning, and all that lies in between. He chooses a specific point and leaps upward and onward into something ... that is altogether familiar and strange ...

The landing has been decided, the events preceeding and proceeding it have been determined, and while it is old and known, it is somehow new and different.