taking responsibility

I say this with no trace of anger, malice, or resentment.

In reality I wasn't even going to address it as I think it's better to just leave it in the past, yet against my better judgment I am writing this here. I am not doing this to garner some reaction but I think I should provide or at least owe some explanation ...

I've thought about this and I realize I've spent far too much time apologizing, and far too much time feeling bad for things that I have said, when in reality I was simply speaking my mind.

I'm sor ... no ... It's unfortunate that a certain person had to read some of my previous posts, and it's too bad that they had to find out what I thought, but it is what it is and I will not apologize for that.

I guess they have a short memory if they thought this was the only time where their honesty could be called into question. There are too many other instances where I had always given them the benefit of the doubt because I "trusted" them. For once they were honest, and by their simple admission, they finally confirmed that my trust had been in fact misplaced.

In this case the person uses the truth like an accessory. They speak it only when it suits them, or serves their purposes. It's not that it is none of the other person's business, it's just that they would not benefit from it being known, OR it may work against them, OR it would be too hard and would force them to confront some things about them self that they would rather not acknowledge. It's selfish ...

In the end they were not who they appeared to be ... all their actions, their little lies and half truths ... I take all the blame for putting my trust in them, for always taking their side, and for always believing them.

I am not without fault.

I will readily admit that I was naive, and that some of my actions could and should be considered childish ... or boorish. It's my own fault for letting the whole situation drive me to behave in ways I normally would not consider. It was almost an ... obsession or at least I was obsessing ... I knew what was happening and what I was doing, but it did not prevent me from being asinine in my behavior, and becoming more of a nuisance than anything else. It was maddening but I wouldn't let go, and that frustrated me to no end. I guess I was chasing a truth that was more of a myth, or answers ... and even though many of the facts were right in front of me, they were not the answers I wanted to see or hear.

I am grateful that I at least realize all this, and hopefully these lessons will serve me in the future.

So now ... I thank that person.

I AM SORRY that you proved me right.