a little thing called TRUST

What is trust?

I always thought that trust is something you give someone ... and it's up to them to show that they deserve it ... but once they've lost your trust, then that's it. It's easy to give trust, it's hard to earn it back once you've lost it.

Why am I talking about this? I don't know ... there are so many unanswered questions that I have ... and the more and more I look at it, the more and more I feel like my trust was misplaced. I feel cheated.

It's hard because by my very nature I'm a trusting person. I think you make life too hard for yourself if you're constantly trying to judge people's intentions. Unfortunately I think some people realize that, and because of that they play it like a game. I guess people's pasts too often control their present, and they let it decide for them, willingly or not how they treat each situation. It's too bad that these people don't see how they only hurt themselves ... yes it hurts whoever is involved, but at the end of the day, those people can move on. The ones making these decisions are merely doomed to repeat them over and over again, which leads to one cluster fcuk of a life.

I guess the tough thing is to stay true to yourself, and realize that you're going to get hurt ... but what's the alternative? To become more jaded? To hold back and not say and do the things that better reflect who you are as a person? No ... that's not an alternative I'm willing to accept. For better or for worse, I still believe that there is good out there. That people who are genuinely warm, considerate, truthful ... and honest actually do exist.

I guess the lesson here is to strike a balance. Somewhere between being jaded and being trusting there's a gray area ... still it's such a terrible realization to know that a person cannot live life so positively. That everything still has to account for the negativity, and the dishonest people out there. It shouldn't be a game, you shouldn't have to question each action ... you shouldn't have to be weary of every word ... You should just be able to trust that person and in turn know that they trust you. I guess I'm a dreamer ...

... in the end ... all I know is karma is a bitch ... and what goes around comes around. Fortunately for certain people it'll keep coming and coming ... and the funny thing is they're the ones scratching their heads asking "Why me?"